Pecan Pie

At the risk of outing myself, but due to the importance of the issue here, I’m going to add my voice to a growing concern across the kink community both locally and around the internet.

For the round up please go

Here

Here

Here

I am a member of the “kink” community.  My friends are there, my social calendar is there, my sit-around-on-my-ass-all-day-fucking-around-on-the-internetz is there.

It happens to have a lot to do with sex, but it’s also taught me about consent culture, deviance, conformity, boundaries, suffering, joy and personal growth.

It’s pretty fucking awesome.

Regardless of the damage done by #50Shades and all that ridiculousness, the rest of the world thinks we are weird.  Fortunately, I’m used to that…

but this, this shit just got real.

I’ve not been afraid of being outed, though I am aware it will cause some pain with my family if I am and may make things awkward with my students should they find out, but neither of those things will end my life.

When we join a website, we expect to follow the rules (except 4chan and some parts of Reddit).  The TOU or TOS help us to know what we can expect from our provider…and what they expect from us.

For example:

OUR CONTENT

Written 2/24/13

Ah, yes…

If you don’t like it, leave.

Leave Fetlife because boohoo it doesn’t work like I want it to and it’s a BIZNEZZ and stop being SEW SYRS!

I will tell you why I choose not to leave. (At this point in time.)

Because change and activism about things people care about from within an institution is never successful. /sarcasm

Fetlife is content driven. Content WE provide. We have a vested interest in how it is run and as a business, Fetlife has a vested interest in our satisfaction.

Speaking out about change we’d like to see is EXACTLY what we should be doing.

Following this writing and more outrage on Fetlife, my feed began to be filled with bullshit ‘splaining about “drama” and “why you guys always starting teh st00pids give me my pr0n!”

And so, I will respond to that:

BECAUSE RACECAR AND DUTY

Written 2/27/13

Trying to make change about something we care about is not “drama”. We all invest time and energy here, either it’s important to us or it is not.

Drama is when I go to jail for being a drunken ass.

Drama is my ex-husband giving me a hard time about minor custody issues.

Drama is the Jerry Springer Show.

Drama is not me applying my social, academic or business skills to make change in the world.

Drama is not me calmly and reasonably making suggestions, showing my displeasure or calling out bad behaviors that could actually do harm.

There is PLENTY of research that supports what we all here already know; that online interactions, friendships and connections are real…that they matter. We feel joy, pain, frustration, love. If this were not true, Internet bullying wouldn’t be an issue for anyone.

Saying “it’s just a website/the interwebz/Fetlife” doesn’t cut it, if it did, I wouldn’t give enough of a rat’s ass to be here in the first place!

If you feel that my actions, words or feelings regarding the outing of my friends, the bullying of a child by the site owner or the blatant disregard for an agreement between two parties is me being dramatic, that’s totally fine. It will not hurt my feelings. We don’t see eye to eye here. However, please respect my right, no, my duty, to speak about that which I care for as I will respect yours.

Thanks!

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Expect more on the subject as things move forward from me.  Expect to see it continue to hit the fan on twitter and tumblr (see links above).